Talking Water Fountain Says to ‘Drink Up’

An entirely too creepy talking water fountain now says when to ‘Drink Up’ in Partnership for a Healthier America campaign. Do we need more talking machines? I don’t think so.

Isn’t there enough noise on the streets? Don’t get me started about the chirping alert telling me it’s okay to cross the street. Then there’s trucks backing up for ten minutes. Oh wait, how about very large trucks idling (after their brakes screech very loudly to a halt)? Water fountains used to peaceful. They quietly spewed water that glistened. Now they need to talk? Please no.

Anyway, the PHA’s ‘Drink Up’ campaign is allegedly here to save the day with a talking water fountain. In a ridiculously unnecessary technological advancement, the fountain begins talking when the water hits your lips and completes the circuit inside. The trick is that the talking stops whenever you stop drinking.

“Water is often taken for granted,” says PHA Chief Marketing Officer Drew Nannis, in a statement that I’m not entirely sure is accurate. “The Drink Up Fountain is yet another effort to remind people that you are what you drink, and when you drink water you Drink Up.” I hope whoever wrote the fountain’s dialogue did a better job than whoever prepared that cringe-worthy statement from Mr. Nannis.

Apparently Michelle Obama is a big fan of the talking fountain, as her anti-obesity group Let’s Move praised the invention. If this all eventually leads to an army of self-aware water fountains declaring war on America’s fat people, I guess I’m on board. That actually sounds like a pretty great idea for a SyFy Original movie, if you ask me.

I fail to see how dehydration became such a crisis in a first-world country. I’m not sure it even is a crisis. I’m also not certain that I care. What I do know is that talking water fountains are creepy, and I’ll add them to the long list of things that send me to the pain management clinic for migraine treatment.

Howard Davidson Arlington Massachusetts


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