On-Call IV Doctors Deliver Hangover Remedy

It’s no secret that hangovers are a major drag on your functionality – in fact, recent studies have estimated that excessive drinking costs the U.S. economy as much as $220 billion per year in lost productivity. Meet the On-Call IV Doctors. They deliver the ultimate hangover remedy.

Aside from a smattering of old wives’ remedies, nobody has been able to conjure up a surefire cure for the morning-after blues – until now. An intrepid New York City startup called The I.V. Doctor has developed a potent blend of IV fluids that can eradicate all hangover symptoms in just 45 minutes. As if that doesn’t sound magical enough, the doctors are housecall-only, which means it is literally easier than trudging down your corner bodega to score a packet of aspirin.

And lest you worry about some stranger showing up at your apartment and sticking a needle in your arm, all of the employees are fully licensed urologists. The fluids themselves are similar to what you’d find in any hospital drip: the standard package features whopping doses of sodium chloride, potassium, and lactate, as well as anti-nausea and pain relief meds. For an extra fee, customers can top off their drip with a boost of B12 vitamins.

The housecall service – which will run you between $199 and $249 – has become wildly popular among hard-partying bankers and other wealthy professional types who’d like to have their Grey Goose and chug it too. In fact, the service has become so popular that an on-site hangover clinic is slated to open on the Upper West Side in May.

Cheers to an IV Doc who can come to Arlington, MA sometime soon.


Alexander Hamilton was never president, Groupon

“Happy President’s Day to Alexander Hamilton!” is what Groupon said in a nutshell when they offered a promotional $10 off of local deals $40 or higher. Before you Wikipedia it, Alexander Hamilton was never president.

Groupon’s press release begs to differ: “The $10 bill, as everyone knows,” it ironically begins, “features President Alexander Hamilton – undeniably one of our greatest presidents and most widely recognized for establishing the country’s financial system.”

Way to be American, Groupon. On the bright side, at least you didn’t get the date wrong for Independence Day (June 4th, duh!). You would think someone at Groupon paid enough attention in history class to realize the error.

Yet we know you know that you know Alexander Hamilton was never president, Groupon.

This “President” Hamilton thing is all a big marketing ploy. No correction has been issued, and Groupon’s responses to the buzz have all been vague and unapologetic. Well, the joke’s on you, Groupon, because your promotional deal is being talked about all over the…oh…right. I guess it worked.

So, it is a scheme – and not just a marketing one – because there are definitely a number of people who think Mr. Hamilton was a U.S. President. Oh well.


Brand Police Use Duct Tape at 2014 Olympics

Brand police are in full force at the 2014 Olympics with duct tape. They are using opaque tape to cover up logos of non-endorsed brands in compliance with Olympics’ Rule 40, which prevents non-official Olympic sponsors from advertising or marketing their products or services before and during the Olympics.

Associated Press staffer Mark Davies tweeted an image of a journalist having his computer logo taped over by an Olympics staffer. The laptop clearly wasn’t of the Samsung brand, which is an official sponsor of the Olympics. “Olympic workers are swooping on reporters sitting in competition venues with Apple laptops, and hastily taping over the iconic logo with duct tape,” he wrote. “In fact, any laptop that isn’t made by official sponsor Samsung is likely to face an Olympic cover-up.” Davies also witnessed a Mercedes with its logo covered up since the official automotive sponsor of the games is Volkswagen.

Ambush marketing is a big concern for the International Olympics Committee. Police (sans duct tape) and roaming the streets to stop counterfeiters from selling fake goods and making sure fans’ social posts aren’t commercial.

B.C’s Better Business Bureau says a recent search came up with nearly 6,000 Sochi 2014 Winter Olympic items for sale on eBay that include some obvious frauds.

Items for sale included sweaters, jackets, mitts and a Sochi 2014 Olympic torch selling for $7,000. The BBB says many of these items were authentic, but some were not.

It says it’s difficult to guarantee that items online from third parties are actually official, so is issuing a warning about scammers trying to cash in on Olympic fever.

How come no one came up with Olympic-branded duct tape?


Food Brands Push Energy

Food marketers are applying a lot of power to push energy. The marketing of cereal, snacks, shakes and even dog food is pushing energy as a selling point big time.

PepsiCo-owned Quaker is among the most aggressive brands trying to capitalize the appeal of newfound energy. Their new campaign includes a TV ad showing people nodding off on buses, at work and at home, and encourages people to fight the “human energy crisis” with the “good energy of Quaker” and its array of oatmeal-based products, from bars to hot cereal. The ads are by the Chicago office of BBDO, which is coincidentally known as Energy BBDO.

“What makes a modern mom different their parents’ generation is they embrace the chaos,” said Quaker Chief Marketing Officer Justin Lambeth. “They are not looking for the escape moment,” he added, but want a good energy source to get them through the day.

The campaign includes a microsite that tallies the nation’s energy level in real time by tirelessly scouring Twitter for terms like tired, awake, alert and exhausted.

Quaker reportedly has the energy to publish a quarterly “Human Energy Index” with Mashable that summarizes findings from the site. The publication will even show stats state by state. Louisiana is noted as the most exhausted state, followed by Mississippi, Hawaii, Alabama and Delaware.


Crest Rolls Out Chocolate Toothpaste

To the delight of children everywhere, Crest has decided to roll out chocolate toothpaste. The new Mint Chocolate Trek flavor is part of Crest’s tasty Crest Be line of new tantalizing flavors. Come on. Why wouldn’t you want to brush your teeth with dessert?

Procter & Gamble has had a bumpy ride over the past few years. Persistently sluggish growth in the world’s developed economies has squeezed middle-class budgets, and P&G’s bottom line has suffered accordingly. Now, the hygiene giant plans to strike back by unleashing a new product line of “adventurous” products, including one that is sure to delight hygiene-averse children all around the world: mint chocolate-flavored toothpaste.

The new toothpaste, which is adventurously titled “Be Adventurous, Mint Chocolate Trek,” is aimed at reinvigorating the middle-class consumer base that used to comprise the reliable core of Procter & Gamble’s sales. But lest you think that P&G is betting the farm on one cocoa-infused novelty toothpaste, Mint Chocolate Trek is just one in a long list of innovative new products.

These include new tooth-whitening strips, diapers, shampoos, and other radically-named toothpastes (Vanilla Mint Spark, Be Inspired, Be Dynamic, etc.) that seem designed to force competitors to step up their game. Being minty fresh, it seems, is no longer a remarkable distinction for a toothpaste.

So far, P&G’s ambitious strategies have helped it weather the storms of low demand: overall sales increased by 3 percent in the last quarter. As for Mint Chocolate Trek, it is slated to start hitting stores sometime next month.